Husband wife sms: Kuch khatti meethi baaten

Kuch khatti meethi baaten

Biwi(Gusse Main):
Tumhare Dimagh Main To
Sirf Gobar Hi Bhara Hai..!!

Husband (Pyar Se):
To Phr Itni Der Se Kha Kyon Rahi Ho….??
**************

Husband wife mein ladai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khaney mein kya hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Main der se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:
****************

Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.

Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin kar sakta:D
***************

Wife: Darling Tumhe Pata Hai
Jannat Mein Husband Aur Wife
Ko Ek Saath Nahi Rehne Dete

Husband: Isi Liye To Usey Jannat
Kehte Hain ..:
****************

Q. What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE?
A. In both cases you feel 'aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta'

******************

Difference between Husband & gadha.

Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
******************

Wife: Tum Mujh Sey Kitna Pyaar Karte Ho?"
Husband: Shahjahan Jitna."
Wife: Mere Marne Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?"
Husband: Main Ney Tou Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,
DELAY Tou Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!" 😜😜😜😄😄😄

God -bete, mannat maang.
Man -plz mujhe phir se unmarried
kar do. God - beta 'mannat'
maangne ko kaha hai, "Jannat"
nahi !😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
A man was granted two wishes by
God, He asked for the best drink &
the best woman ever. Next moment
he got mineral water & Mother
Teresa.😜😜😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Wife to Santa : "You don't love me
at all" Santa points towards their
five children and says "Do you think
I downloaded them from google"😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen. Some have
girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what
happened=))😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Puri LIFE ko Sudhaarne k liye ek
WIFE kafi hai, Par ek WIFE ko
sudhaarne k liye puri LIFE bhi kam
hai, -
Swami Dukhiya Nandji.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~😜😆
Wives are
magicians. ..... . . . . . . . . . . They
can change anything into an
argument😆😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY? A very INTELLIGENT Sardar
replied: Women don't have a wife!😜😜😆😜

Husband wife sms: Wife was kidnapped.

Wife was kidnapped.



Kidnapper sent to husband a piece of her finger n demanded money.



Husband replied "ye Ungli to kisi ki b ho sakti hai.."😡

MUNDI Bhej MUNDI" 😜😝



Kidnapper sent to husband a piece of her finger n demanded money.



Husband replied "ye Ungli to kisi ki b ho sakti hai.."😡

MUNDI Bhej MUNDI" 😜😝

Sharabi sms: एक शराबी सड़क के किनारे बहुत ज्यादा पीने के

एक शराबी सड़क के किनारे बहुत ज्यादा पीने के कारण लगभग बेसुध सा पड़ा हुआ था.....
एक भले आदमी ने उसके पास आकर पूछा –...
"आखिर इतनी ज्यादा पीनेकी क्या जरूरत थी ?...

"शराबी – "मजबूरी थी … पीने के अलावा और कोई चारा ही नहीं था..
भला आदमी – "आखिर ऐसी क्या मजबूरी हो गई थी ?".....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
शराबी – "बोतल का ढक्कन गुम हो गया था....

Husband wife sms: Wife = Where R u.?

Wife = Where R u.?
Husband ?= I'm At "Bank".
Wife = Wow thats good ? I need 20,000 ?? For new Cell Phone ,5,000 ?? for new dress ?, 6000?? for new shoes?, 4000?? for new purse?, 8000?? for my new cosmetics
Husband ? = Sorry ,
I mean
I am at Blood bank

"KHOON PIYEGI

KHOON ?"??

🔄
Listening to wife 👸is like reading the terms & conditions of website.
You understand Nothing😪, still you click
"I Agree"😝......!!

🔄
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye switzerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
.😕
.😴
.😠
.😦
.😧
.😟
.😶
.😐
.😇
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas..😆😆😍😜

🔄
Papa : why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick.
Papa: (with tears in eyes) god bless you son.😜





🔄
Hubby Ke B'day Par Wife Ne Pucha-
Kya Gift Dun??

Hubby:-
Tum mujhe Pyar Karo, Izzat Karo aur Mera Kehna Maano...Yahi kaafi hai...!!

Wife:-
(Kuch Der Soch Ke)
Nahin Main To Gift Hi Dungi.😜

🔄
I argued👿... She argued👿...
I shouted😡... She shouted😡 and then she cried😭

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method😱




🔄
Chess is the only game in the world,
which reflects the status of the husband.
the poor king can take only one step at a time ...
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
-------------🙋🙆💁🙅

🔄
Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband,
in the next life.?..
Arre..itni mehnat se trained kiya hai..
waste thodi jane denge! 👡👠👢👜👝👛👓💄👘🎽💇💅💃
-----------

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

🔄

Getting married is like giving
.
.
.
.
.
"Your own Supari".👋😂.


👌😜
-------------------------

🔄
😂😂😂
All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't Scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does
😜😎😋😂😄

🔄
🚦Whats Checkmate?

U tell ur wife I saw a lady, looked xctly like u"
&
wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
U cnt say 'no'
U cnt say 'yes'
Dats Checkmate.! 😋😜




🔄
STOCK MARKET EFFECT:
Depressed Husband to his fat wife:
"You are my only investment,
that has doubled.'' 🙈🙉🙊😟😥😪

Reply sms: In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asked the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not??

Dr: Well, We'd fill a Bathtub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, Obviously a normal person would use da bucket bcoz its bigger...

Dr: "No, A normal person would pull da drain plug!! Please go to bed No.39; We will start further investigations"...

Aap ne bhi bucket soocha tha na..... please go to bed no 40

Sharabi sms: I found a Leaflet in my newspaper

👍
I found a Leaflet in my newspaper today which read: ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? CALL NOW. WE CAN HELP!

I Called up. It Was A Liquor Shop Offer: Buy 3 & Get 1 Free!

Apraisal humor : UPCOMING HORROR MOVIES in Mar-Apr

UPCOMING HORROR MOVIES in Mar-Apr
1 Tadapta Employee
2 Month End Ki Raat
3 Increment - The Impossible
4 Apraisal Ka Khauf
5 Sadma Zero Increment Ka
6 Pyasa HR.
😃😀😄

Naughty sms: टीचर :- 'एक पन्त, दुई काज' मुहावरे को वाक्य में प्रयोग करो..?

टीचर :-
'एक पन्त, दुई काज' मुहावरे को वाक्य में प्रयोग करो..?


विद्यार्थी : -
मुन्सिदास मूतन गए..। 💦
मूतन लग गई पाद..।। 💨

पादत-पादत.. हग दियो..। 💩
एक पन्त, दुई काज..।। 😆
आज महामनीषी पूज्य स्वामी विवेकानंद जी का जन्मदिन है। समूचे राष्ट्र पर आज उनका ऋण है। 🙏 हिंदुत्व के ऐसे महान प्रतिपालक को नमन, मात्र 39 वर्ष की अल्पायु में उन्होंने इतना कुछ लिखा और बताया कि उनके देहावसान के सौ वर्ष बाद आज दिन तक उनके किये हुए कामो पर अनुसंधान हो रहे हैं। स्वामी जी को कोटिश नमन 🙏💥🙏

Naughty sms: Akbar ne birbal se sawal kiya.aadmi aur aurat ki soch me kya farq hai ?

Akbar ne birbal se sawal kiya.aadmi aur aurat ki soch me kya farq hai ?
Birbal ne jawab diya.
aurat ek hi aadme se bohot saari ummid rakhti hai.
aur aadmi bohot saari aurat se ek hi ummid rakhta hai.😝😝

Rajani kant sms :Rajani" is back with new ones ....

"Rajani" is back with new ones .....

🔸Recently china airports were closed due to heavy fog ........

Later it was discovered that Rajanikanth was smoking in India 😝!!!!!!!!!

🔸Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places..
Today those places are known as IITs!!!!!!

🔸Government of india pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India 😳!!!!

🔸Definition of solar eclipse:

When Rajanikanth stares at sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This greatest phenomena is called Solar Eclipse.........!!!!!

🔸Rajanikanth woke up one day and decided he should share atleast one percent of his knowledge with the world......

Thus.......The google was born!!!!

🔸Think what would have happened if Rajani would have born 150 years ago..?????

British would have fought for Independance.... 😆

🔸Best Rajani joke!!!!!!
Even Ghajini remembers Rajani !!!! 😜😝😆


🔸Why do earthquake occurs?????

Because at that time Rajanikanth's mobile is on vibration mode!!!!!!!!!

🔸Once Rajanikanth bunked a whole day in school.....!

Since then that day is known as.............Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🔸The pyramids in Egypt are actually.............
..........

Rajanikanths primary school craft projects!!!!!!!!!!!!

🔸Breaking news: ISRO does not exists anymore.....!!

Rajanikanth purchased all the rockets for Diwali celebration !!!!!!!!! 😁

🔸Why did Rajani buy an acre of land wth 4 wells on each corner?????

To play Carrom !!! 😝

🔸Before Tom Cruise, Rajani was approached for the movie Mission Impossible, but Rajani reused as he found the title insulting ...😜😂

Office humor: A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she is lost.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she is lost. :(

She reduced the altitude & shouted to a man below: "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

Man below replied: "You r in hot air balloon 30 feet above d ground.U r at 41 deg north latitude & 59 deg west longitude." :)

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do u know?

Lady: Everything u told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost. :(

Engineer: You must be in Top Management. ;)

Lady: Ya.How do you know ?

Engineer: U don't know where you are or where you're going. U made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, & u expect people beneath u to solve ur problems. 😉