Funny sms: Dont laugh alone pass it on.....👹👹

Dont laugh alone pass it on.....👹👹
An old lady always gave the bus conductor Cashew nuts, Almonds to eat.
Conductor: "So kind of u that you give me those nuts to eat everyday.
Why don't you eat them yourself?"
Old Lady: "I don't have teeth to munch them.
"Conductor: "Then why did you buy them?"
Old Lady: "I just love the chocolate around them!"😜😂😂😂

Informative sms: 🌿Knowledge🌿

🌿Knowledge🌿

In Ancient England,
People Could Not have Sex Without King's Permission.

To Have A Baby, They Were Supposed To Get King's Consent.

They Were Then Given A Card To Hang On Their Door While Having Sex,

Which Read As:
"Fornication Under The Consent of King" (F.U.C.K.)

So The Word 'Fuck' Came In to Existence..!

Kisi Ko Pata Tha Kya? Nahi Na?
Bas Fuck Fuck Karte Rahte Hai...........

Spread This Fucking Knowledge!😜😝😉

Funny lines: If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT,

If swimming is a good exercise to stay FIT,
Why are whales FAT ??
😳😳😳😳

Why is the place in a stadium where people SIT,
called a STAND ?
😣😣😣😣

Why is that everyone wants to go to HEAVEN,
but nobody wants to DIE..
😂😂😂😂

Shall I say that there is racial discrimination even in chess...
As the WHITE piece is moved FIRST...
😱😱😱😱

In our country,
We have FREEDOM of SPEECH,
Then why do we have TELEPHONE BILLS ?
😡😡😡😡

If money doesn't grow on TREES,
then why do banks have BRANCHES ?
😆😆😆😆

Why doesn't GLUE
stick to its BOTTLE ?
😭😭😭😭

Why do you still call it a BUILDING,
when its already BUILT ?
😨😨😨😨

If its true that we are here to HELP others,
What are others HERE for ?
😆 😆😆😆

If you arent supposed to DRINK and DRIVE...
Why do bars have PARKING lots ?
😲😲😲😲

If All The Nations In The World Are In Debt,
Where Did All The Money Go..?
😧😧😧😧

When Dog Food Is New With Improved Taste,
Who Tests It..?
😈😈😈😈

If The "Black Box" Flight Recorder Is Never Damaged During A Plane Crash,
Why Isn't The Whole Airplane Made Out Of That Stuff..?
🙀🙀🙀🙀

Who Copyrighted
The Copyright Symbol..?
🙈🙈🙈🙈

Can You Cry Under Water.?
😂😭😂😭

Why Do People Say "You've Been Working Like A Dog",
When Dogs Just Sit Around All Day..??
😆😆😆😆

We all are Living in a seriously funny world....😝😜😆😛

So Enjoy buddy😜😝 !!

Gujju sms: Einstein & a gujarati sitting next to

Einstein & a gujarati sitting next to each other on a long flight..
Einstein says,"Let's play a game.. I will ask you a question,if you don't know the answer,you pay me only $5 and if I don't know the answer,I will pay you $500.."

Einstein asks the first question: What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon..?

Gujarati doesn't say a word,reaches his pocket,pulls out a $5..

Now,it's the gujaratis turn..

He asks Einstein: What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes down on 4 legs..?

Einstein searches the net and asks all his smart friends.. After an hour he gives gujarati $500..

Einstein going nuts and asks: Well,so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four..?

Gujarati reaches his pocket and gives Einstein $5.. 😄😄😄 .

Einstein fainted.....😝

Moral of the story, you might be Einstein, don't take panga with gujarati,where money is concerned..... they are smarter than even Einstein...:😂💶💸😎😏

Motivational sms : Nice line by "Shri Krishna"

Nice line by "Shri Krishna"

"Kisi" ko dukh de kar mujhse apne sukh ki echha mat karna❗

Lekin tum "kisi "1 ko bhi khushi dete ho To apne dukh ki chinta mat karna❗

Informative sms: Punishment for Rape:

Punishment for Rape:

1) UAE- Instant Death
Penalty, within 7 days
hanging
2) Iran- Instant Stoned
to death/hanging within 24 hrs
3) Afghanistan -
Instant death by bullet into head within 4 days
4) China - No Trial,
Medically proved rape then Death Penalty
5) Malaysia - Death
Penalty
6) Mangolia - Death as revenge by family
7) Iraq - Death by stone till last breath
8) Taliban - Limbs/
Legs/ Balls All Cut
Off,&then stoned&then
shot
9) Poland - Death
thrown to Pigs
10) INDIA -
Compromise, Thinking,
Trial, Bribe,
Rich family Kid,
Abuse & Embarrassment
NO ACTION...
Even d girl dies still no charge sheet
filed...
country gets in to protest, still the PM
speaks in english dat to bullshit...

look at all these
countries and learn
something now atleast in case of rape against child n rape wid brutality...

isko itna share karo ke pura India isko padhe...
This incident took place in Pune at 7:10 pm.
A boy & a girl were stopped by the police on d road without Driving License.
The boy was told 2 bring d license & d girl was asked 2cum 2 d police station.
d girl was taken 2 an isolated place where she was raped.
Most of us don't know d LAW which clearly states that-
btwn 6 pm-6 am,
a woman has RIGHT 2 refuse 2 go 2 the police station EVEN IF THERE IS AN ARREST WARRANT.
So its a humble request 2Plz 4ward dis 2 all d girls u know 2 make them aware, even 2 boys who care 4 their sister, friends."I've DONE MY BEST NOW ITS UR TURN"
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
👍 Spread this than other jokes & all
Plzzz Share Max
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Funny sms: An employee goes running to HR and ask his resignation back.

An employee goes running to HR and ask his resignation back.
HR(surprised): Today is your last day and what happened suddenly?
Employee: My boss is also coming to same place where I am going..
😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

Motivational sms : Sabar" ek aisi Sawari hain Jo apne Sawaar ko

''Sabar" ek aisi Sawari hain Jo apne Sawaar ko
kabhi Girne nahi deti...,

Na kisi ke Qadmon mein aur Na kisi ki Nazron
se......

Motivational sms : The Suitcase

The Suitcase

A man died, when he realized it, he saw God coming closer with a suitcase in his hand.
- God said: Alright son its time to go.
- surprised the man responded: Now? So soon? I had a lot of plans...
- I'm sorry but its time to go.

- What do you have in that suitcase? the man asked.
- God answered: Your belongings.
- My belongings? you mean my things, my clothes, my money?
-God answered: Those things were not yours they belonged to the earth.

- Is it my memories? the man asked.
-God answered: those never belonged to you they belonged to Time

- Is it my talents?
-God answered: those were never yours they belonged to the circumstances.

- Is it my friends and family?
-God answered: I'm sorry they were never yours they belonged to the path.

- Is it my wife and son?
- God answered: They were never yours the belonged to your heart.

- Is it my body?
- God answered: that was never yours it belonged to the dust.

-Is it my soul?
God answered: No that is mine.

Full of fear, the man took the suitcase from god and opened it just to find out the suitcase was empty.
- With a tear coming down his cheek the man said: I never had anything???
-God answered: that is correct, every moment you lived were only yours. Life is just a moment. a moment that belongs to you. For this reason enjoy this time while you have it. Don't let anything that you think you own stop you from doing so.
-Live Now
-Live your life
- Don't forget to be happy, that is the only thing that matters.
- Material things and everything else that you fought for stay here.
-YOU CAN'T TAKE ANYTHING

Share this reflection with anyone you love or appreciate. Enjoy every second you live.

Informative sms: WORK PRESSURE.....SYMPTOMS

WORK PRESSURE.....SYMPTOMS ❄♨
________________________________________
Once I was flashing my ID card instead of unlocking the house door with keys..🔑
_________________________________________
Me and my friends went out for dinner in one of the best restaurants . And as I finished..
I started walking towards the wash basin with Plates in my hand..🍛
_________________________________________
Once I was on call with my father and mom was not around. I went on to ask, "Why is she not attending the weekly status call?"📞
_________________________________________
I don't login to facebook, yahoo, gmail, youtube, etc.. at my personal internet connection at home… thinking it will be blocked any way. Till I realize – I am at home.😎
_________________________________________
Yeah sometimes it does happens with me also. keeping hands in front of tap waiting for water to drop by itself is very frequent with me. I just forget that we have to turn on and off the tap….🛁
________________________________________
Once after talking to one of my friends
I ended the conversation saying, "Ok bye…in case of any issues will call u back"😄
_________________________________________
Sometimes when I mistakenly delete a message from my mobile, I hope for a second, maybe it's in the recycle bin !📛 _________________________________________
Once I went to a pharmacy n asked for a tab….pharmacist asked whether I want 250mg or 500mg….. I replied 256mb….thank god he didn't notice.🎐
_________________________________________
And I – after a hectic week, went to a movie. In the middle of the movie, when I wanted to check the time, I kept repeatedly glancing at the bottom right corner of the Theatre Screen…💻


So avoid working SO hard ! Have a great work-life balance..😄😜😉

Informative sms: पाँच पाण्डव तथा सौ कौरवों के नाम ये थे :–

पाँच पाण्डव तथा सौ कौरवों के नाम ये थे :–

पाण्डव पाँच भाई थे जिनके नाम हैं -

1. युधिष्ठिर

2. भीम

3. अर्जुन

4. नकुल

5. सहदेव

( इन पांचों के अलावा , महाबली कर्ण

भी कुंती के ही पुत्र थे , परन्तु

उनकी गिनती पांडवों में नहीं की जाती है )

यहाँ ध्यान रखें कि… पाण्डु के उपरोक्त

पाँचों पुत्रों में से युधिष्ठिर, भीम और अर्जुन

की माता कुन्ती थीं ……तथा , नकुल और सहदेव

की माता माद्री थी ।

वहीँ …. धृतराष्ट्र और गांधारी के सौ पुत्र…..

कौरव कहलाए जिनके नाम हैं -

1. दुर्योधन

2. दुःशासन

3. दुःसह

4. दुःशल

5. जलसंघ

6. सम

7. सह

8. विंद

9. अनुविंद

10. दुर्धर्ष

11. सुबाहु

12. दुषप्रधर्षण

13. दुर्मर्षण

14. दुर्मुख

15. दुष्कर्ण

16. विकर्ण

17. शल

18. सत्वान

19. सुलोचन

20. चित्र

21. उपचित्र

22. चित्राक्ष

23. चारुचित्र

24. शरासन

25. दुर्मद

26. दुर्विगाह

27. विवित्सु

28. विकटानन्द

29. ऊर्णनाभ

30. सुनाभ

31. नन्द

32. उपनन्द

33. चित्रबाण

34. चित्रवर्मा

35. सुवर्मा

36. दुर्विमोचन

37. अयोबाहु

38. महाबाहु

39. चित्रांग

40. चित्रकुण्डल

41. भीमवेग

42. भीमबल

43. बालाकि

44. बलवर्धन

45. उग्रायुध

46. सुषेण

47. कुण्डधर

48. महोदर

49. चित्रायुध

50. निषंगी

51. पाशी

52. वृन्दारक

53. दृढ़वर्मा

54. दृढ़क्षत्र

55. सोमकीर्ति

56. अनूदर

57. दढ़संघ

58. जरासंघ

59. सत्यसंघ

60. सद्सुवाक

61. उग्रश्रवा

62. उग्रसेन

63. सेनानी

64. दुष्पराजय

65. अपराजित

66. कुण्डशायी

67. विशालाक्ष

68. दुराधर

69. दृढ़हस्त

70. सुहस्त

71. वातवेग

72. सुवर्च

73. आदित्यकेतु

74. बह्वाशी

75. नागदत्त

76. उग्रशायी

77. कवचि

78. क्रथन

79. कुण्डी

80. भीमविक्र

81. धनुर्धर

82. वीरबाहु

83. अलोलुप

84. अभय

85. दृढ़कर्मा

86. दृढ़रथाश्रय

87. अनाधृष्य

88. कुण्डभेदी

89. विरवि

90. चित्रकुण्डल

91. प्रधम

92. अमाप्रमाथि

93. दीर्घरोमा

94. सुवीर्यवान

95. दीर्घबाहु

96. सुजात

97. कनकध्वज

98. कुण्डाशी

99. विरज

100. युयुत्सु

( इन 100 भाइयों के अलावा कौरवों की एक बहन

भी थी… जिसका नाम""दुशाला""था,

जिसका विवाह"जयद्रथ"सेहुआ था )
"🌺श्री मद्-भगवत गीता🌸"
के बारे में-

👉किसको किसने सुनाई?
उ.- श्रीकृष्ण ने अर्जुन को सुनाई।

👉 कब सुनाई?
उ.- आज से लगभग 7 हज़ार साल पहले सुनाई।

👉भगवान ने किस दिन गीता सुनाई?
उ.- रविवार के दिन।

👉कोनसी तिथि को?
उ.- एकादशी

👉कहा सुनाई?
उ.- कुरुक्षेत्र की रणभूमि में।

👉 कितनी देर में सुनाई?
उ.- लगभग 45 मिनट में

👉 क्यू सुनाई?
उ.- कर्त्तव्य से भटके हुए अर्जुन को कर्त्तव्य सिखाने के लिए और आने वाली पीढियों को धर्म-ज्ञान सिखाने के लिए।

👉 कितने अध्याय है?
उ.- कुल 18 अध्याय

👉 कितने श्लोक है?
उ.- 700 श्लोक

👉 गीता में क्या-क्या बताया गया है?
उ.- ज्ञान-भक्ति-कर्म योग मार्गो की विस्तृत व्याख्या की गयी है, इन मार्गो पर चलने से व्यक्ति निश्चित ही परमपद का अधिकारी बन जाता है।

👉 गीता को अर्जुन के अलावा
और किन किन लोगो ने सुना?
उ.- धृतराष्ट्र एवं संजय ने

👉 अर्जुन से पहले गीता का पावन ज्ञान किन्हें मिला था?
उ.- भगवान सूर्यदेव को

👉 गीता की गिनती किन धर्म-ग्रंथो में आती है?
उ.- उपनिषदों में

👉 गीता किस महाग्रंथ का भाग है....?
उ.- गीता महाभारत के एक अध्याय शांति-पर्व का एक हिस्सा है।

👉 गीता का दूसरा नाम क्या है?
उ.- गीतोपनिषद

👉 गीता का सार क्या है?
उ.- प्रभु श्रीकृष्ण की शरण लेना

👉गीता में किसने कितने श्लोक कहे है?
उ.- श्रीकृष्ण ने- 574
अर्जुन ने- 85
धृतराष्ट्र ने- 1
संजय ने- 40.

🌺

अपनी युवा-पीढ़ी को गीता जी के बारे में जानकारी पहुचाने हेतु इसे ज्यादा से ज्यादा शेअर करे। धन्यवाद
"ham" "dua" "karte" "hai" "ki" "aap" "aane" "wale" "sal" "k" "12" "mahine" "khush" "rahen"; "52" "hapte" "muskurate" "rahen"; "365" "din" "aap" "par" "ishwar" "meharban" "rahe"; "8760" "ghante" "qismat" "aap" "ka" "sath" "de"; "525600" "minuts" "kamyabi" "aap" "k" "kadam" "chume"; "or" "31536000" "seconds" "hamari" "dua" "aap" "k" "sath" "rahe"; "advance" : "W+I+S+H" "FOR"+"YOU" "HAPPY NEW YEAR 2014... :

Sardar sms:Sardar 3 sardar picnic par gaye👣👣👣 wahan jaakar yaad aaya

3 sardar picnic par gaye👣👣👣

wahan jaakar yaad aaya
😯 😦 😧.


"PEPSI" to ghar par bhul gaye...
😶 😐 😶
Decide kiya k sab se chota sardar jakar pepsi le aye...

Chhota sardar: "Mai ek shartt par jaunga🚶🏃🚶🏃🚶🏃🚶🏃

Tum dono, mere aane tak samose nahi khaoge.." 😏

😐 Dono ne kaha thik hai 😐
..
..
..

🕛🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕖🕗🕘
🕙🕚🕛🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕛
2⃣ din guzar gaye
Chhota sardar nahi aya..
🕛🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕖🕗🕘
🕙🕚🕛🕐🕑🕒🕓🕔🕕🕛
4⃣ din guzar gaye
Chhota sardar nahi aya..

😕Dono ne sochha😕 ke ab samose kha lene chahiye..

Jaise hi samosa uthaya.. chhota sardar ped ke pichhe se nikal ke bola..😏

''Aisa karoge toh mai nahi jaunga...!!!!!"
😛😜😝😝😂😂😂😂

Funny PJ: Khatarnak pjs Read at ur own risk

🔪🔪🔪🔪Khatarnak pjs .Read at ur own risk

Ek jungle me sab jaanwar ga rahe the, PAAN PARAAG PAAN MASALA- PAAN
PARAG!
Par Giraffe nahi ga raha tha!
KYUN?

?
?

Kyuki,
UNCHE LOG! UNCHHI PASAND! MANIKCHAND!!

🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

What do you call a Chinese who's lost her way home?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bhu Lee😂

🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

Why don!t ppl clap in Afghanistan?

?
?
?

Because there's the tali-ban!

🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

If u touch 2014 calender u will get a Shock
.
.
do u know y?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Bcoz
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
2014 is "CURRENT" year..


🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

This PJ might blow ur senses away:

What do u call a lady who drinks only one tea in a day ?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

Jaswanti
(just 1 tea)...

🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐

Which animal keeps calling(dialling) crow?


.

.





.


.


Crow-co-dile

🌐🌐🌐🌐🌐
😜😜😜😜

Shayri sms:Baith-kar mehbooba ki baaho me aisa josh aaya.. .

🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵🔵

✔ Baith-kar mehbooba ki baaho me aisa josh aaya.. .💏💑👫
.
.
Wah!👏
Wah!👏
Wah!!👏
Wah!!👏
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Baith-kar mehbooba ki baaho me aisa josh aaya... 💑💏👫


Phirrrrr...?

Phir kya.!
?
?
?
?
?

👵Biwi ne dekh liya aur ICU me 👷 👷 hosh aaya... 😩😫😪😭
Ha Ha Ha... 😂😂


✔☝Ek aur...

Aankho mein nami thi,
Aur vitamin ki kami thi..
Wah Wah,

Jis-se raat-bhar chatting ki

Woh Girl-friend ki mummy thi...

✔☝Ek aur...

Koi pathar se na maare
mere dewaane ko...

Nuclear power ka jamaana hai,

Bomb se udaa do saale ko...

✔ Bas☝last...

Tajmahal kya cheez hai,

Is-se achi imaarat banaunga,

Mumtaz to mar-kar dafan hui thi,

Tujhe to main zinda dafnaunga...


✔☝Bas iske baad khatam...

Hasi ke liye gam kurbaan,

Khushi ke liye aansoo kurbaan,

Dost ke liye jaan bhi kurbaan,

Aurr

Agar dost ki girlfreind mil jaye to...

Saala dost bhi kurbaan...
😉😉😉😉😉


✔'("3 Dost")'
😳😁😫
Billu, Gullu & Ulloo...

Billu 😳 B.Sc. mein padh raha hai...

Gullu 😁 M.A. mein padh raha hai...

Aur hamara Ulloo 😩 WhatsApp padh raha hai...

'Haa Haa Haa' 😃😄😀

Hanso mat, mere saath bhi aisa hi hua hai...

Chalo ab tumari baari hai, banao subko Ulloo...🎃

Jaldi-jaldi banao, warna msg aam ho jaayega...😜

Husband wife sms: Shaadi ke 5 years baad, on Valentine's day

Shaadi ke 5 years baad, on Valentine's day, husband brought white roses for wife.

Patni: Yeh kya White Roses kyon? Valentine Day par toh Red Roses dete hai na?

Pati: Ab Zindagi me, Pyaar 💗 se jyada Shaanti ki Jarurat hai.😰🙏

🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴🔴

Aloknath ashirwad humor

Finally Aloknath got irritated of over msgs on him and said:

Tum sabki maa ka Jagrata aur Behen ka Kanyaadaan!! 😂
Yana Gupta dancing on an item number - Babuji zara dheere chalo beejli giri yahan beejli giri.

Alok Nath - Aashirwad
beti.... Kitna khayal rakhti ho apne babuji ka! 😜😜😃😃

Ad humor : ! TELEBRANDS - AD

! TELEBRANDS - AD
.
Hi friends..
Pehle main bahut dukhi rehta tha 😞
.
Hamesha hatash rehta tha 😐
.
Mujhse padhai nahi ho pati thi 😕
.
Ek novel padhne me mahino lag jate the! 😖
.
Ghar walo k taane sunn ke ro diya karta tha 😭
.
Fir maine iss naye course k baare me suna *.."ENGINEERING"..*
.
Ye vakai lajawaab course hai!! 😝
.
Ab main ek puri book 1 raat mein complete kar leta hu 😎
.
Duniya bhar ke taane aur galiya hans k sun leta hu 😁
.
Kitni bhi musibat aaye khush rehta hu 😊
.
Sach me, ye asardaar hai..
.
Aap bhi aazmaiyein..
👍👍👍

Informative sms: jannat mein sab kuch

Jannat mein sab kuch hai, lekin maut nahin hai,
Gita mein sab kuch hai, lekin jhuth nahi hai,
Duniya mein sab kuch hai, lekin sukoon nahin hai,
Insaan mein sab kuch hai, lekin sabar nahin hai.

So Dosto........
Kya baat karein iss duniya ki...
Har shakhs ke apne afsaane hai...
Jo samne hai usse log bura kehte hai...
Jisko dekha nahin kabhi usse sab "KHUDA" kehte hai..!!!

jab bachpan tha
toh jawani ek dream tha
jab jawan huye
toh bachpan desire hai.

jab ghar mein rehte thhe
aazadi achi lagti thi
aaj akele hain
toh har pal ghar ke din yaad aate hai.

kabhi hotel mein jana
aur pizza, burger khana pasand tha
aaj ghar par aana
aur maa ke haath ke khane mein hi jannat milti hai.

jinse jhagadte thhe school mein
un doston ko aaj internet mein talashte hain
aaj kal toh khush rehne ke tarike bhi hum google mein search maarte hai.

Facebook se dating
aur Flipkart, eBay se shopping karte hain
ghar par bhi baat ab Skype/Gtalk aur Whatsapp se karte hai.

Life ko
laptop aur mobile mein samait diya hai
hum samajhte hai humne
khud ko update kiya hai.

iss nayi duniya mein humne
na jane kya guma diya hai
kab kya badla
hume kuch na pata chala hai.

paisa mila
naam mila
kuch hai hum bhi
yeh bhi vishwas mila
lekin kya chhoda
kya tyaga humne
iska na hisab mila.

khushi kisme hoti hai
ye pata ab chala hai
bachpan kya tha
iska ehsas ab hua hai..

kash badal sakte hum
zindagi ke kuch saal pichhe
kash ji sakte hum
zindgi ek baar phir se.

Naughty sms: My neighbour's wife text me, "I

.
😂😂
My neighbour's wife text me, "I am new on whatsapp.. Any idea what does IDK, LY, TTYL mean...?"

I replied: "I don't know, Love You, Talk To You Later !"

She replied: "No problem. I'll ask my son.. Love you too.. "

and my wife read it...

Total silence😷😷😷
😡😡😡😱😱
bhalaai ka to zamana hi nahi raha

Double meaning sms : Office wali... Sweet hoti hai

💋
College wali... Masaledar hoti hai.
Office wali... Sweet hoti hai
Ghar wali... Fikki hoti hai
Hotel wali... Mast hoti hai
5 Star wali... Mehangi hoti hai,
Nukkad wali..... Unhygenic hoti hai
Lekin ek baat hai yaaar...
.
Chai akhir..... chai hoti hai.....😜

Soch badlo, desh badlega..😄

Naughty sms: Son : papa circus dekhne chale???

PL READ TILL END -

Son : papa circus dekhne chale???

Papa : No.........son I m busy

Son : Usme ek ladki ne bina kapdon ke sher pe sawari ki hai. ...!!!!!

Papa : bahut ziddi ho gaye ho....Har baat zidd karke manvate ho....
Chalo bahut din hue sher nahin dekha....!!!!!

Iske Aage ki kahaani...

Son & papa phir circus dekhne gaye. Papa ne sabse aage wali seat ki ticket bhi le li... 😎
Lion show aaya aur chala gaya par bina kapadon ki ladki nahi aayi...Circus show khatam ho gaya...

Papa : Tumne toh kaha tha ki ek ladki bina kapdon ke aayegi?

Son : Bina kapdo ke toh sher kaha tha, ladki nahi........

Ab aap jaroor yeh msg dubara padhoge 😀😅

Husband wife sms: Don't miss dis

Don't miss dis
Its awesome😂😂😜

😄Train me ek Husband apni beautiful wife se jhagda krte huye ..

Tujhse Shaadi karke pachta raha hu , Dil karta hai tujhe kutto ke aage daal du ..

Saamne wala passenger ..

Bhow , Bhow Bhow , Bhow ..😄😝😎

ALOK NATH.."" Hilarious..

After Chuck Norris, Rajnikant, Sir Jadeja,
presenting the new legendary figure:
""ALOK NATH..""
Hilarious..

👴. When alok nath sees a girl with a guy
he does her kanya daan then n there..!

👴 Alok Nath's CV reads:
Degree- MBA in Kanyaadan
Skills-Sanskaar
Experience-1022848 Kanyaadans done
Hobby- Giving Ashirwaads!

👴 Alok Nath celebrate new year by
playing Passing-the-parcel with family and
Antskshari...😜😜

👴 Alok Nath apni khud ki shadi me bhi
ladki waale the..!!

👴 Alok Nath requests the DJ to play
Anup Jalota songs in a Night Club...!!

👴 Alok Nath is the only virgin father..!!

👴 Alok Nath holds world record for
having Maximum number of Samdhi-
Samdhans in the world

👴, Alok Nath went to Vaishno Devi for
his bachelors party. With his family..!

👴. Alok Nath went for Sunburn and did
surya namaskar..!

👴 Alok Nath didn't become a doctor
because he was too ashamed of reading
about the female anatomy.

👴 Alok nath TEMPLE RUN bhi Chappal utar
kar khelte hai...!!

👴 When # Alok Nath was born, nurse greeted
his father by saying- " Badhai ho BABUJI
hue hain."..!!

👴 Alok nath ki ghadi 2 tarah ke samay hi dikhati hai...1. Achcha samay 2. Bura samay..!!

👴 Salman khan is still virgin because he was fell in love with aloknath's daughter in his first movie ....!

👴 Alok nath college mai ladkiyo ko impress karne ke liye Hanuman Chalisa padhate the....!!

👴 Aloknath eat prasad as a starter....!!!

👴 Jab bachpan mai kisi ne aloknath se puchha ki bade hoke kya banoge to vo bole " Apni betiyo ka Babuji"

👴 Alok nath itne sanskari hai ki condom bhi chandan flavors ke hi use karte hai ...!!



👴👴👴👴👴👴👴

Alok Nath Series Jokes:When Alok Nath was born;

Alok Nath Series Jokes

When Alok Nath was born;
Doctor Said, "Badhai ho, Babuji huay hain"

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath is so sanskari that he smokes agarbattis

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
The only two wars Alok Nath has seen in his life.- Haridwar and Pariwar

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath CV Reads as:-
Degree- MBA in Kanyadaan
Skills- Sanskaar
Experience- 10022848 Kanyadaans done
Hobby- Giving Ashirwads!

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
"In school days, Alok Nath bunked a lecture to attend his daughter's wedding.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath has never received salary , he always receives pension.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath carried Hanuman Chalisa to school instead of Notebooks

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath eats Prasad as Starters

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath believes in 'Aashirwad at First Sight'

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath reads "All Indians are my brothers and sisters" as "All Indians are my Samdhans and Samdhis".

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath went to Vaishno Devi for his Bachelor Party before marriage. With his Family.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Honey Singh: Chhoti Dress me bomb lagdi mainu.
Alok Nath: Chhoti Dress me thand lag jayegi beti.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath: Arohi
Arohi: Kya??
Alok Nath: Kuch nahi, bus apna kanyadaan mujhse hi karwana

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath is someone who is worried about Kanyadaan of d Girl
who is yet to be born...

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath's WhatsApp shows : "Last seen doing Kanyadaan at"

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath removes his slippers before playing Temple Run n distributes 'prasad' after crossing each level.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
"When you type Alok Nath on Google search, "I'm feeling Lucky" changes to "I'm feeling Sanskari".

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath was d first person to call Parle as ParleG!!

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath wants Facebook to add 'Aashirwad' button.

«««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««««
Alok Nath has Zero friends bcoz he always turns 'Dosti into Rishtedaari' 😜

Naughty sms: I asked a sexy Chinese girl for her number.

I asked a sexy Chinese girl for her number.

She replied,

Sex Sex Sex,Free Sex tonight.

I said, Wow!

Then her friend said,
She means 6663629😂

Husband wife sms: Kuch khatti meethi baaten

Kuch khatti meethi baaten

Biwi(Gusse Main):
Tumhare Dimagh Main To
Sirf Gobar Hi Bhara Hai..!!

Husband (Pyar Se):
To Phr Itni Der Se Kha Kyon Rahi Ho….??
**************

Husband wife mein ladai hoi,
Husband ghar se chala gaya,

Husb:Rat ko phone pay,"Khaney mein kya hai"
Wife:Zeher.
Husb:Main der se aonga, tum kha kar so jana:
****************

Wife:-I will die.
Husband:- I will also die.

Wife:-why will you die?
Husband:-because main itni khushi
bardasht nahin kar sakta:D
***************

Wife: Darling Tumhe Pata Hai
Jannat Mein Husband Aur Wife
Ko Ek Saath Nahi Rehne Dete

Husband: Isi Liye To Usey Jannat
Kehte Hain ..:
****************

Q. What's the similarity between MOBILE and MARRIAGE?
A. In both cases you feel 'aur thoda ruk jata to accha model milta'

******************

Difference between Husband & gadha.

Ans:Husband gadha ban sakta hai,
but
Gadha itna bhi gadha nahi k husband bane!!
******************

Wife: Tum Mujh Sey Kitna Pyaar Karte Ho?"
Husband: Shahjahan Jitna."
Wife: Mere Marne Ke Baad TAJ MAHAL Banao Gay?"
Husband: Main Ney Tou Plot Bhi Le Liya Hai,
DELAY Tou Tum Kar Rahi Ho!!!" 😜😜😜😄😄😄

God -bete, mannat maang.
Man -plz mujhe phir se unmarried
kar do. God - beta 'mannat'
maangne ko kaha hai, "Jannat"
nahi !😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~
A man was granted two wishes by
God, He asked for the best drink &
the best woman ever. Next moment
he got mineral water & Mother
Teresa.😜😜😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Wife to Santa : "You don't love me
at all" Santa points towards their
five children and says "Do you think
I downloaded them from google"😜😜😜😜😜😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
There are 3 kinds of men in this
world.
Some remain single and make
wonders happen. Some have
girlfriends and see wonders happen.
Rest get married and wonder what
happened=))😜😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
~ Puri LIFE ko Sudhaarne k liye ek
WIFE kafi hai, Par ek WIFE ko
sudhaarne k liye puri LIFE bhi kam
hai, -
Swami Dukhiya Nandji.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~😜😆
Wives are
magicians. ..... . . . . . . . . . . They
can change anything into an
argument😆😜
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Women live a Better, Longer &
Peaceful Life, as compared to men.
WHY? A very INTELLIGENT Sardar
replied: Women don't have a wife!😜😜😆😜

Husband wife sms: Wife was kidnapped.

Wife was kidnapped.



Kidnapper sent to husband a piece of her finger n demanded money.



Husband replied "ye Ungli to kisi ki b ho sakti hai.."😡

MUNDI Bhej MUNDI" 😜😝



Kidnapper sent to husband a piece of her finger n demanded money.



Husband replied "ye Ungli to kisi ki b ho sakti hai.."😡

MUNDI Bhej MUNDI" 😜😝

Sharabi sms: एक शराबी सड़क के किनारे बहुत ज्यादा पीने के

एक शराबी सड़क के किनारे बहुत ज्यादा पीने के कारण लगभग बेसुध सा पड़ा हुआ था.....
एक भले आदमी ने उसके पास आकर पूछा –...
"आखिर इतनी ज्यादा पीनेकी क्या जरूरत थी ?...

"शराबी – "मजबूरी थी … पीने के अलावा और कोई चारा ही नहीं था..
भला आदमी – "आखिर ऐसी क्या मजबूरी हो गई थी ?".....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
शराबी – "बोतल का ढक्कन गुम हो गया था....

Husband wife sms: Wife = Where R u.?

Wife = Where R u.?
Husband ?= I'm At "Bank".
Wife = Wow thats good ? I need 20,000 ?? For new Cell Phone ,5,000 ?? for new dress ?, 6000?? for new shoes?, 4000?? for new purse?, 8000?? for my new cosmetics
Husband ? = Sorry ,
I mean
I am at Blood bank

"KHOON PIYEGI

KHOON ?"??

🔄
Listening to wife 👸is like reading the terms & conditions of website.
You understand Nothing😪, still you click
"I Agree"😝......!!

🔄
Wife: Suno ji, Doctor ne muje ek mahina aaram ke liye switzerland ya paris jaane ko kaha hai.
Hum kaha jayenge?
.😕
.😴
.😠
.😦
.😧
.😟
.😶
.😐
.😇
Husband: Dusre Doctor ke paas..😆😆😍😜

🔄
Papa : why is your mummy sitting silently today.
Son : nothing papa. She asked for lipstick and i heard fevistick.
Papa: (with tears in eyes) god bless you son.😜





🔄
Hubby Ke B'day Par Wife Ne Pucha-
Kya Gift Dun??

Hubby:-
Tum mujhe Pyar Karo, Izzat Karo aur Mera Kehna Maano...Yahi kaafi hai...!!

Wife:-
(Kuch Der Soch Ke)
Nahin Main To Gift Hi Dungi.😜

🔄
I argued👿... She argued👿...
I shouted😡... She shouted😡 and then she cried😭

Result: she won by duckworth lewis method😱




🔄
Chess is the only game in the world,
which reflects the status of the husband.
the poor king can take only one step at a time ...
While the mighty queen can do whatever she likes.
-------------🙋🙆💁🙅

🔄
Why do most indian women request 4 the same husband,
in the next life.?..
Arre..itni mehnat se trained kiya hai..
waste thodi jane denge! 👡👠👢👜👝👛👓💄👘🎽💇💅💃
-----------

😝😝😝😝😝😝😝😝

🔄

Getting married is like giving
.
.
.
.
.
"Your own Supari".👋😂.


👌😜
-------------------------

🔄
😂😂😂
All Men are Brave,
Horror Movies don't Scare them....
But 5 Missed Calls from Wife ..surely does
😜😎😋😂😄

🔄
🚦Whats Checkmate?

U tell ur wife I saw a lady, looked xctly like u"
&
wife asks "WAS SHE HOT..??"
U cnt say 'no'
U cnt say 'yes'
Dats Checkmate.! 😋😜




🔄
STOCK MARKET EFFECT:
Depressed Husband to his fat wife:
"You are my only investment,
that has doubled.'' 🙈🙉🙊😟😥😪

Reply sms: In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist

In a "Mental Hospital" a journalist asked the Doctor: How do u determine whether to admit a patient or not??

Dr: Well, We'd fill a Bathtub & give a teaspoon, a glass & a bucket to the patient & ask them to empty the Bathtub...

Journalist: Oh, Obviously a normal person would use da bucket bcoz its bigger...

Dr: "No, A normal person would pull da drain plug!! Please go to bed No.39; We will start further investigations"...

Aap ne bhi bucket soocha tha na..... please go to bed no 40

Sharabi sms: I found a Leaflet in my newspaper

👍
I found a Leaflet in my newspaper today which read: ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC? CALL NOW. WE CAN HELP!

I Called up. It Was A Liquor Shop Offer: Buy 3 & Get 1 Free!

Apraisal humor : UPCOMING HORROR MOVIES in Mar-Apr

UPCOMING HORROR MOVIES in Mar-Apr
1 Tadapta Employee
2 Month End Ki Raat
3 Increment - The Impossible
4 Apraisal Ka Khauf
5 Sadma Zero Increment Ka
6 Pyasa HR.
😃😀😄

Naughty sms: टीचर :- 'एक पन्त, दुई काज' मुहावरे को वाक्य में प्रयोग करो..?

टीचर :-
'एक पन्त, दुई काज' मुहावरे को वाक्य में प्रयोग करो..?


विद्यार्थी : -
मुन्सिदास मूतन गए..। 💦
मूतन लग गई पाद..।। 💨

पादत-पादत.. हग दियो..। 💩
एक पन्त, दुई काज..।। 😆
आज महामनीषी पूज्य स्वामी विवेकानंद जी का जन्मदिन है। समूचे राष्ट्र पर आज उनका ऋण है। 🙏 हिंदुत्व के ऐसे महान प्रतिपालक को नमन, मात्र 39 वर्ष की अल्पायु में उन्होंने इतना कुछ लिखा और बताया कि उनके देहावसान के सौ वर्ष बाद आज दिन तक उनके किये हुए कामो पर अनुसंधान हो रहे हैं। स्वामी जी को कोटिश नमन 🙏💥🙏

Naughty sms: Akbar ne birbal se sawal kiya.aadmi aur aurat ki soch me kya farq hai ?

Akbar ne birbal se sawal kiya.aadmi aur aurat ki soch me kya farq hai ?
Birbal ne jawab diya.
aurat ek hi aadme se bohot saari ummid rakhti hai.
aur aadmi bohot saari aurat se ek hi ummid rakhta hai.😝😝

Rajani kant sms :Rajani" is back with new ones ....

"Rajani" is back with new ones .....

🔸Recently china airports were closed due to heavy fog ........

Later it was discovered that Rajanikanth was smoking in India 😝!!!!!!!!!

🔸Rajanikanth did his KG from seven different places..
Today those places are known as IITs!!!!!!

🔸Government of india pays tax to Rajanikanth for living in India 😳!!!!

🔸Definition of solar eclipse:

When Rajanikanth stares at sun with anger, sun hides behind the moon. This greatest phenomena is called Solar Eclipse.........!!!!!

🔸Rajanikanth woke up one day and decided he should share atleast one percent of his knowledge with the world......

Thus.......The google was born!!!!

🔸Think what would have happened if Rajani would have born 150 years ago..?????

British would have fought for Independance.... 😆

🔸Best Rajani joke!!!!!!
Even Ghajini remembers Rajani !!!! 😜😝😆


🔸Why do earthquake occurs?????

Because at that time Rajanikanth's mobile is on vibration mode!!!!!!!!!

🔸Once Rajanikanth bunked a whole day in school.....!

Since then that day is known as.............Sunday!!!!!!!!!!!!!

🔸The pyramids in Egypt are actually.............
..........

Rajanikanths primary school craft projects!!!!!!!!!!!!

🔸Breaking news: ISRO does not exists anymore.....!!

Rajanikanth purchased all the rockets for Diwali celebration !!!!!!!!! 😁

🔸Why did Rajani buy an acre of land wth 4 wells on each corner?????

To play Carrom !!! 😝

🔸Before Tom Cruise, Rajani was approached for the movie Mission Impossible, but Rajani reused as he found the title insulting ...😜😂

Office humor: A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she is lost.

A woman in a hot air balloon realized that she is lost. :(

She reduced the altitude & shouted to a man below: "Excuse me, can you help me?
I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am."

Man below replied: "You r in hot air balloon 30 feet above d ground.U r at 41 deg north latitude & 59 deg west longitude." :)

Lady: You must be an engineer.

Man: How do u know?

Lady: Everything u told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I'm still lost. :(

Engineer: You must be in Top Management. ;)

Lady: Ya.How do you know ?

Engineer: U don't know where you are or where you're going. U made a promise, which you've no idea how to keep, & u expect people beneath u to solve ur problems. 😉

Om puri pj: Alok Nath ke baad abb Om Puri ke baari.. .. ..!

Alok Nath ke baad abb Om Puri ke baari.. .. ..!

What does Om Puri's mother say when he's getting late for school?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Hurry Om🏃💨!

Om Puri was kidnapped by Taliban! Government launched a Mission to save him! Mission ka naam kya hoga?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Save Puri🍝!

Now Don't kill me for this one.. .. ..!

One day Om Puri came late to school, all the boy's said.. .. ..!
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"Omlet Aaya🍳, Omlet Aaya🍳!"

Naughty sms: Gf pings bf on chat:

Gf pings bf on chat: call kr bc balance khtm ho gya h

It took 15 minutes for boy to understand bc means BeCause !!
😂😂😂😂
-------------------------------
KAMINE DOST:

A broken lover's emotional status on Facebook:

"I want her Back...!"

Friend's Comment:
"Even I agree.....her front is not worth....!"

Naughty sms: Million Dollar Truth :

Million Dollar Truth :

If Saturday And Sunday Don't Excite You, then change your Friends.

If Monday doesn't Motivate you, then change your profession.

If Monday is too exciting, and you are dying to get to work then you should change your spouse!!😉

Funny qoute: The best advertisement line against Pizza, P

The best advertisement line against Pizza, Pasta, Burger, French Fries n all junk fud:-
"Few moments on Lips, Forever on Hips!!"
😄😜😝😂

A good medical QUOTE:-

Obesity is not because it runs in the family!!!!!😄
It is because,
no one runs in the family!!!!!😄

School sms: Teacher: Happy New Year bachchon! Aaj

Teacher: Happy New Year bachchon! Aaj se start ho raha hai. Is naye saal pe kasam khao ki kabhi bhi sharaab aur cigarette nahin piyoge, drugs nahin loge, non veg nahin khaoge.

Bachche: Theek hai sir, hum sharaab, cigarette, drugs, non veg ko chuenge tak nahin.

Teacher: Kabhi ladkiyaan nahin chedoge.

Bachche: Nahin chedenge sir.

Teacher: Kabhi jua nahin kheloge.

Bachche: Nahin khelenge sir.

Teacher: Desh ke liye apni jaan tak bhi de denge.

Bachche: De denge sir, aisi jaan ka karna bhi kya hai.

Naughty One spelling mistake can cost like hell

☺
☝One spelling mistake can cost like hell 😄!
Husband wrote a message to his wife on his official trip and forget to add an "e" on the last word.
He wrote "Hi darling I'm experiencing the best time of my life & I wish you were her
😉😉

JETHALAL Special:AHMEDABAD Ki 🌞DHOOP se SKIN Meri ♨Jali..

👏👏👏👏😂😂😂
👨JETHALAL Special:

AHMEDABAD Ki 🌞DHOOP se SKIN Meri ♨Jali..

AHMEDABAD Ki 🌅DHOOP se SKIN Meri ♨Jali..
👨JETHALAL Says,"👱MEHTA SAHEB.."
Chura ke 💗DIL Mera,
👸BABITA Chali..

----------------------------------
👨JETHALAL-Agar Meri 💏SHADI Meri 😍MARJI se hoti..
Wah Wah….
Aagr Meri 💑SHADI Meri 😍MARJI se hoti..
To 👦TAPUDA,Teri MUMMY 👩DAYA nahi..
👸BABITA hoti..

----------------------------------
Har 🗻SHAAM Suhani Nahi Hoti..
Har 😍CHAHAT ke Pichhe 📝KAHANI nahi Hoti..
Kuch To ASAR Zarur Hoga 💚MAHOBBAT❤ Me..
Warna Gori 👸BABITA Kale 👺AIYER ki DIWANI nahi hoti
----------------------------------
📝EXAM ke ⏰TIME pe 💤NIND Acchi Aati hain..Wah Wah..
📝EXAM ke ⌚TIME pe 😴NIND Acchi Aati hain..👨JETHALAL ke 🚪DUKAN Jane ke ⏰TIME par hi..
👸BABITA Niche kyun Aati hain.?
👏👏👏👏😂😂😆😆

Husband wife sms: How BEDROOM smells

How BEDROOM smells
After
MARRIAGE: 1st 3 yrs---
perfumes, Flowers,Chocolate,Fruits..
💐🌹💝🍫🍇🍓🎂
After 3 yrs---
Baby powder,Johnsons Cream and Lotions,Baby oils..
👪
After 15 yrs---
Zandu Balm,Vicks,Iodex,Relispray..
😡😠😴
After 40 yrs---
Agarbatti...
😪😂
Four stages of marriage:
😄Mad for each other,
😍 Made for each other,
😘 Mad at each other
😬 Mad because of each other
What's Marriage?

Answer- MARRIAGE Is The 7th Sense of Humans

That Destroys All The Six Senses

And Makes The Person NON Sense..!

😜😜😝😝😜😜😝😝

Definition Of Happy Couple -

HE Does What SHE Wants…

SHE Does What SHE Wants.

😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝

Wife: Dear, this computer is not working as per my command.

Husband: Exactly darling! its a computer, not a Husband..!!

😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝

'Laughing At Your Own Mistakes, Can Lengthen Your Life."

- Shakespear

"Laughing At ur Wife's Mistakes,Can Shorten ur Life."

- Shakespear's Wife

😜😝😜😝😜😝😜😝

Arz kiya hai..

Jaldbaazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge,

wah wah wah

Jaldbazi mein shadi karke sara jivan bigad loge..

Soch samaj ke karoge toh bhi kya ukhad loge..!!

😂😂😂😁😁😁😁😁

Wife : Agar meri shaadi kisi " Raakshas" se bhi ho jaati to mai itni Pareshaan nahi hoti jitni tumare saath hu

Awesome reply :

Husband : Are pagli,,
Blood Relation me shaadiya kaha hoti hai.. !!!
😜

Dont laugh alone pass it on....👹